Lunch – I talked Westy and Dupaix into having lunch at Vito’s. Vito is a guy who sells fine Italian sandwiches and pasta out of his trailer in downtown Bountiful. Street meat. Luckily for us the weather permitted an outdoor dining experience. I have to say that Vito has ruined me for all local fast food – I never want to eat it again. There have been a few times since discovering Vito’s that I’ve eaten at Wendy’s or the like, and each time it was hard to finish my meal. Vito’s has it going on. I’m going to lose a lot of weight once the cold weather sets in.
The ride – fantastic. I just can’t describe in words how much I love riding down a great section of single-track. Each time I ride I ask myself why I’m not doing it every day. I hadn’t ridden my mountain bike since June, but have ridden three times since I rode with MW two weekends ago. Hopefully I'll be able to get in a few more before the snow sets in.
Here's MW's best side:
Dinner – Okay, for those of you who are not from the Greater Davis County area, Mandarin is a locally famous Chinese food joint. The food rocks, there’s no doubt about it. But I swear that the stress involved with waiting 1-2 hours in that ridiculously cramped waiting area is going to take years off my life! I’m an easy-going guy, but that waiting room brings out the worst in me. What I’m trying to say is that it’ll be take-out from now on.
Speaking of eating out, I had a rather interesting gastro-intestinal experience this last week. So, I have the pleasure of living in a neighborhood with a group of very cool, younger couples. I am not used to being the oldest in my circle of friends, either, so this is new for me and I appreciate these friends including the old man in their shenanigans. Someone made mention that Wingers had their all-you-can-eat wingathon going on right now so we decided right then and there to cost them some money by overtaking the restaurant and eating chicken limbs until they ran out. May I share with you the email string that precluded and followed:
From: DE - Guys, I know this was Tony's idea but I thought I would send the email to get this scheduled. In light of the wives going out Wednesday, I think we need to do the all you can eat wings Thursday night at Winger's. Tony has thrown down the challenge saying he will "eat everyone out under the table." I think to make things interesting we should have a $5 buy in with the winner taking all.
From: DW - I'm in. But I will purposefully lose this challenge (and gladly pay the $5) given Tony's words.
From: CH - I will be there with several forms of digital capture equipment. I feel me some YouTube comin' on.
From: DE - The plan is to head down to Winger's at 6:30. Tony has offered to drive if you want a ride let him know. He has room for 4. Come prepared to eat at least 30 wings. Anyone under 30 wings will face the shame and ridicule of their peers and will forever be known as a split tail.
From: DW - I SO HUNGY!!!!!
After the event:
From: CH - So, who kicked winged a$$ tonight? My money was on Drew.
From: DW - Drew was a close second to Mr. Lawson who broke the record for most wings ever to be eaten at Wingers in recorded history. It was quite a spectacle including but not limited to photos, flirting, free wings, a tee shirt and promises of framed blow up pics on a newly made "over 50" wall of shame. I have no proof, but can only imagine the night culminated in a serious bout of ralphing and diarrhea. The human body just isn't equipped for that kind of excessive behavior. By the time Tony hit the 51 mark he was sweating profusely, slurring his speech and his left eye was twitching uncontrollably. All I can say is, 'poor Sid'.
From: AB - I couldn't have said it better myself. I just hope he got himself some blistex and some jergens for his hands. I was just happy to be a part of the travesty that was Wingers wingathon 2009.
From: BS - At Wing Count (WC) 30, he began to snarl. At WC 43, he began to act a little hosed (I dunno...like about 4 or 5 beers down) and beads of sweat appeared on his nose. At this point, random people started visiting our table...most of them a little grossed out. One of them was expecting to see an obese person and was annoyed to instead find the sexiest man in Bountiful. At WC 47, the news and press arrived and began televising the story live via satellite. I tried to hog the camera but couldn't see over the wing-bones piled in two 5-gallon buckets on our table. At WC 48, fowl in states as far away as Georgia began to flee and Tony called for a third bucket to catch his drool. At WC 49 his eyes began to dart involuntarily between his plate and the men's room. At WC 50 he was shaking uncontrollably and the twin-sister waitresses started to dab his face while saying (with pouty lips) "Such a BIIIIIG, hungry boy!" One of them asked for his phone number but he could only remember the number 51. And this is where we leave our story. At 51 he thrust his fists in the air and said, in Ali's voice: "Float like a butterfly, Sting like a wing...I must be the greatest!"
From: DW - Live update: I saw Tony this morning and things aren’t looking too good. I saw a big white truck coming down the road. It ran over a few garbage cans and mailboxes, and peeled out on Hess’ lawn causing track marks in the shape of a chicken wing. At an instant I knew it was Tony and he was in trouble. It was confirmed as he rolled down his window and pumped his fist in the air while shouting “Seasons Quatro, mother effers!!” I tried to calm him, but from a distance due to the fire in his eyes and the foam around his mouth, which was, by the way, a reddish hue. Not sure if that is because of the wing sauce that dried to his face or because of the cracked lips from lack of blistex. He was again slurring his speech so I couldn’t tell for sure, but at one moment it appeared he teared up as he said something about not being able to get the lid off of…I think he said Carmex. Anyway, he ripped off down the street before he could be detained. I’ve called 911 and there’s an APB out for him. Let’s just hope he’s captured before someone gets hurt. I’ve talked to Sid and she’s arranging an intervention and has him booked in a WA (wing’s anonymous) 12 step program.
From: DE - “let me tell you what we can do that is not gay…” - Tony, Wing Champion 2009
Tony Lawson - Wing Champion 2009
